I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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