I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
