Michael Bay diarrhea
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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