Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
