And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
