i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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