He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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