MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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