Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
