Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i out mim tonsoeep
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