So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
