my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
