Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
