Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
