my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
