Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
PANTIES FOUND
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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