I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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