he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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