so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
