I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
