i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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