So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
