haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
