Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
