That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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