I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
