So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
