I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
