Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
