I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want her autograph on my taint
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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