like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
