Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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