dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All I want is dick and wine.
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