I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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