True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
