Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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