We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
