If that was your dad, he is hot
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
