the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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