man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
