I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
