Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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