i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
