She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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