then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
