the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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