he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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