Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
