The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
