i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
