party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
