He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
