One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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